I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
