He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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