and next time when you feel me up, do it right
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
We are two peas in an std pod
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
