When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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