we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
