just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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