Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
