U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize