When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
this just has baby written all over it
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Randomize
