hell yes lets make some ravioli
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
