you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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