woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize