My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
