u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I want to make a zoo with you.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
