i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
