Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
