forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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