Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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