I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
