I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
