Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
