he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
