PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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