his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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