Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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