you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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