these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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