i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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