does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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