I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
