Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
