You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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