True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
