Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
