remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize