This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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