You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
