Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
