I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
