I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
