Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You left your underwear on the fireplace
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
