We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
