Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
