Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
