Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
