did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
