Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
