well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
