While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
