I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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