You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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