I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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