that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
