Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
