6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
