so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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