On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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