Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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