she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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