Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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