Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
