So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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