if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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