He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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