today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize