I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
