I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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