At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
