were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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