YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
