nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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