You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
