I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
