I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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