I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize