i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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